Naughty, Naughty Chopper
by Takumi-san
Summary: Chopper is feeling left out, so he gives everyone a love potion, with hilarious results. ChoZo, ChoSan, ChoNam, ChoUso, ChoRo, ChoLu. New chapter posted, with ALL NEW PAIRINGS!
1. Chapter 1: a new Love

_This is not meant to be a serious work of fiction. It is a parody of all the ZoLu and other pairings out there. I set out to write an interesting fic about the worst pairings imaginable. I know some of you will think it's cute and adorable, and not funny in the least. Nevertheless, read, review, and enjoy._

Naughty, Naughty Chopper

One day, Chopper got annoyed at his crew. Zoro and Luffy liked each other. Zoro and Sanji liked each other. Sanji and Nami, Zoro and Robin, Nami and Luffy, even **_Usopp_** got a little action. And where was Chopper in all of this? "After all, I'm a human too," he thought to himself. Then, Chopper got a brilliant idea. "I'll make a love potion!" he said. He stirred it in with the food when Sanji wasn't looking. "Now for some _fun time_," he said.

* * *

Zoro was outside training. Chopper walked up to him. "Zoro," he said, "where did you get that enormous… dumbbell?"

"I really don't know. I guess I forgot." Zoro saw Chopper standing there, all cute and stuff. Do you want to help me work out?"

"Thanks, Zoro! What do I do?"

"Just sit on my back and I'll do push-ups." The tiny Chopper did as he was asked, happy to help. Zoro's back was sweaty, so Chopper slipped. Out of reflex, Chopper grew large as he fell. "Oompf," Zoro grunted as he was pinned to the floor.

Chopper quickly scrambled off of Zoro, expecting him to be angry. But Zoro was laughing. Chopper laughed too.

* * *

Chopper was walking through the kitchen, getting a snack, when Sanji walked in. "Hi, Chopper," he said. "Do you want me? Uh, to cook you something?"

"Sure, Sanji! You're awesome!" Sanji made a plate of sandwiches and placed them in the center of the table.

"There, you go! Enjoy your lunch," said Sanji.

"Why don't you have some, too?"

"All right." They both reached for the same sandwich, and their hands met. As they looked into each other's eyes, they blushed.

* * *

Nami walked up to Chopper. "Hi, Chopper," she said. "You look pretty cute today."

"Wow, thanks, Nami! You don't look so bad yourself!" Chopper was embarrassed.

"Do you really think so, Chopper?" Nami winked at him. "I think these clothes are getting a little old. Why don't you come into my room and help me pick out some new ones?" Chopper was ready for his new adventure.

* * *

Usopp wanted some fun. "Hey, Chopper! You want to have a staring contest?"

"Okay, Usopp. How do you play?"

"Well, you stare in to each other's eyes, like this…" Their faces grew closer until Usopp's long nose touched Chopper's blue one. Then they embraced in a passionate kiss.

* * *

Robin sat up in bed. "Chopper, baby, aren't you coming?"

"In one second! I need to take a rumble ball first." He chomped down on one.

"But Chopper, those only last for three minutes," said Robin, disappointed.

"It's okay, honey. I've got enough to last ALL…NIGHT…LONG!" He shoveled about fifty rumble balls down his throat. "Target point!"

* * *

Luffy and Chopper were sitting on the bough, watching the sunset. Luffy looked over at Chopper lustily. "Chopper," he said, "you look…_yummy_."

"Then eat me up, lover," Chopper replied, batting his eyelashes. Luffy did.

fin.

_Thanks to Kanthia for giving me the idea for this. I'd really like your opinions on this, so please review._


	2. Chapter 2: the Love strikes back

Naughty, Naughty Chopper: The Love Strikes Back

Nami was searching for Chopper. "Luffy," she asked. "Where's Chopper?"

"I ate him. Yum…" Luffy patted his stomach tenderly. "I loved it."

"You what!" she screamed. "Luffy, quick, induce vomiting! He could still be alive!" Nami jumped on top of Luffy, stuffing her fingers down his throat.

"Na'i! Wad a' you doig? Thtop id Na'i! Gggg…" Luffy's stomach heaved and erupted. But it was too late for Chopper. Nami shook her head as she washed the chunks of flesh over the side of the Going Merry…

Fish ate the flesh of the dearly departed Chopper. These fish were eaten by more fish, which, eventually, were eaten by humans. This is how the love potion spread throughout the Grand Line.

* * *

Ace was hot on the trail of Blackbeard. Finally, he was going to catch the man for whom he had been searching so long. He had lost him so many times before, and Ace knew that this was the night. As he rounded the next corner, he saw the traitor standing beneath a street lamp.

Blackbeard peered into the darkness. "Ace, is that you?" he called out. Ace slunk into view. He was crying.

"Oh, Blackey, why did you leave me? I thought we had something, you know?" Ace sobbed.

Blackbeard took Ace into his arms. "But Ace, I never thought it would work out between us. But that's over. Now we'll always be together." Blackbeard blushed innocently. "Besides, don't you know what city this is?"

Ace looked up at the black-haired man. "So it's true? This place really does exist?" He looked about in awe.

"That's right," said Blackbeard. "Welcome to San Francisco."

* * *

Kaya was sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of her mansion, enjoying the nice, sunny morning. "I wish I had someone to talk to besides that weirdo Meri," she sighed. "I used to have such nice friends." She looked out across her enormous front yard to see someone dressed in black stumble and fall in front of her gate. Kaya smiled, and stood up. "Look, Meri! A new butler!"

Upon closer inspection, she found that it was not a new butler, but an old one. Kuro stood and faced her. "Kaya darling, I know we've had our differences, but may I have your forgiveness, and return to my services?"

"Well," said Kaya. "I have gotten awfully bored with no one here to sleep with." She thought for a moment. "All right. Can you return to your services now? I'll be in my room." She walked through the door and winked at him.

"Excellent," said Kuro, strapping on his claws. "Ah, back to the good old days."

* * *

Vivi was sad today. She had no one to love. Kohza had left for his hometown, leaving her behind. Who needed him anyway? He was just riff-raff like the rest of her subjects. Would anyone ever really know her? She was lonely. Vivi couldn't do the kiddy things that she used to do, like play in the sun, ride on Pell's back. She couldn't fight like she used to. Oh, it _was_ fun to do all that dirty work, now that she thought back. Now, Vivi was a princess, heir to the throne of Alabasta, a job completely void of _fun_.

As she sat on her throne alone, she remembered the touch: that one touch, that one man who had left so suddenly, without saying goodbye. Did he still care for her? Did he ever care? After all these years, would she ever see him again? He was royalty, the very best. Did he even know that she cared?

The door to the throne room opened slowly, and a figure walked through. "Vivi, my love," he said. "Will you marry me?"

Vivi ran to him. "Of course I will. I never forgot our touch." She threw herself into Wapol's arms.

* * *

At this moment, Kohza rode in on the back of Carue. He saw Wapol and Vivi together. "Carue, this sickens me," he said to Carue. "Let's make out."

"Caruuuuuuue!"

* * *

Hawkeye Mihawk was out on another little boat ride, doing his usual killing-pirates crap. The raft drifted through the ocean aimlessly, and the green candle thingy glowed mysteriously. "Ho hum…" he spoke to himself. There really wasn't anyone_ else_ to talk to. "Looks like another pirate ship to split in half is up ahead. I'd better swing my sword like once and go back to sitting on my raft."

As Mihawk was about to do his little chore, the most beautiful creature danced up onto the rail of the pirate ship. Mihawk had never seen something so beautiful in all his days.

Mr. 2 called out to the swordsman. "Hey there Mihawk, I'm Bon Clay! Want to live the Okama Way?"

Who could resist those gorgeous rhymes(and that gorgeous body)? Mihawk leapt from the raft to the swan ship, saying: "This sword will now only be used… the okama way." And they lived happily ever after.

* * *

Now, some may wonder what had happened to Doctor Kurea after Chopper left. She had fallen into heavy drinking, losing what had remained of her sanity. No one would go out with her, because she was too freaking old.

One day, she got a letter from Nami, telling of what had happened to Chopper. Dr. K was so depressed, that she decided to commit suicide the very next day. As she climbed to the top of the cliff, the voice of a young marine called out to her. "Stop!" he shouted. "Don't give up on your life." She turned to see a young, pink-haired man wearing glasses. He was attractive, too.

Seeing her chance, she came down to him. "I always liked men in uniform," she said, offering him a drink. Coby blushed, and the Doctor looked out towards the sea. "Thank you, Chopper," she whispered. "Thank you for everything."

fin.


End file.
